hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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