my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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