I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we're making bets on your personal life
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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