I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
