Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
