I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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