I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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