i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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