her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
