we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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