I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
