that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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