I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
