I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
