I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
