well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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