Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
