Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize