I hate your face
I want to have your abortion
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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