I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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