when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
