Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
