This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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