Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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