I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
