BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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