You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
