dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
