So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
