She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
