What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
