so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
