My brain says no but my pants say off.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
