dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
