Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
