Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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