Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
