Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
