I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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