Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
