Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
