I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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