it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
