If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
