we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
