if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize