Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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