i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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