Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
