quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
