I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
