I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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