we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i think im in europe. pls send help
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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