got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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