I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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