Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize