There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
