White coat. Heels.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
