Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
