Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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