I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
