I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize