I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
