I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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