when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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