so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
This house was built for laser tag.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
