and you said cock pushups were impossible
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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