I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
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