we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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